- YOU DON'T GET Any Closer Than This...

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YOU DON'T GET any closer to bustin your ass than this............

Contributer says : " The tail strike occurred during at a 1990 airshow in Harrison, Arkansas.

Kelly, who was a technician for the FAA and somewhat of a camera buff, was tracking this guy flying a MiG-15 with his camera.

The pilot had just completed a loop and misjudged his pull-out.

Everyone considering themselves as potential victims, took-off running in all directions. But Kelly had a non-threatening position with strong motivation to take the picture.

So just as the MiG scraped the ground, Kelly captured this rare image.

Had it been circulated at the time, this clear, once in a lifetime photograph might have earned an award.

A few weeks later, in Fort Smith, Kelly was showing me these pictures he had developed at a local Walmart. I asked him for a copy and now have it hanging on my office wall ...a clear depiction of the tiny difference between life and death.

Oh, by the way... the guy just flew a wide circle, lowered his landing gear, touched down then taxied in showing very minor damage."

- YOU WANT A What ?

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YOU WANT A What ?
A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per
hour. The wife is behind the wheel.

Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice.
"Darling," he says. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed up to 45 mph.

The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it,"
he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.

He then pushes his luck. "I want the house, too" he says insistently.

The car's now up to 60. "I want the car, too," he continues.

Up to 65 mph.

"And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat."

The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.
This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"

The wife at last replies - in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need." she says.

"Oh, really?" he inquires, "So what have you got?"

Just before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles. "The airbag."


NEVER underestimate how a woman thinks.

- WITTICISMS... (#5)

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WITTICISMS... (group #5)

"Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest.
What is the logic in that?
What, do tall people burn slower?"
---Warren Hutcherson

"Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many.
Monogamy is the same."
---Oscar Wilde

"Suppose you were an idiot ...
And suppose you were a member of Congress...
But I repeat myself."
---Mark Twain

"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan."
---A. Whitney Brown

"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says,
'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
---Dave Barry

Do you know why they call it "PMS"?
Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
---Unknown, ...presumed deceased

- 19 SAYINGS WE'D LIKE To See On Office Posters

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19 Sayings We'd Like To See On Office Posters

1. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

2. If you can stay calm, while all around you there is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.

3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.

5. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.

6. Plagiarism saves time.

7. If at first you don't succeed, try management.

8. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

9. TEAMWORK: means never having to take all the blame yourself.

10. The beatings will continue until morale improves.

11. Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

12. We waste time, so you don't have to.

13. Hang in there, retirement is only 50 years away!

14. Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes; that way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away AND you have their shoes!

15. A snooze button is a poor excuse for no alarm clock at all.

16. When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.

17. INDECISION: is the key to FLEXIBILITY.

18. Succeed in spite of management.
19. Aim Low, Reach your Goals, Avoid Disappointment !!!

- GREAT FALL "Rainbows Of Color" (#2)

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GREAT FALL "Rainbows Of Color" (group #2)

- BABY'S FIRST Doctor Visit...

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BABY'S FIRST Doctor Visit...


A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
"Breast-fed" she replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.

She did as he directed.

He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, he said,
"No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."

"I know," she said with a smile, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I brought him in today !"

- YACHT DELIVERY DAY !

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YACHT DELIVERY DAY !


One 65' custom-built motor yacht complete with 4 staterooms, a state-of-the-art galley, GPS System and radar for navigation, twin supercharged diesel engines, etc... ready for delivery.

$4,500,000.00
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Champagne, chocolate covered strawberries with cream and music dockside for the excited "soon to be owners" and a small group of friends.

$500.00
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Two corporate representatives, one crane, and rigging complete with faulty turnbuckle.

$2,500/hour
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(Note the guy in the stern !)
Watching your dreamboat nose dive into the harbor, accompanied by two corporate Representatives just prior to "inking" the final paperwork...

PRICELESS !