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Friday, November 30, 2007

- THE PURSUIT Of The Teacher

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THE PURSUIT Of The Teacher

The lady was a Southern Baptist who attended services and taught Sunday School every week.
On one Sunday, an out-of-town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew right behind her.
He noted what a fine looking woman she was.
While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and said, "Hey, how about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?"
"Why yes, that would be nice," the lady responded.
The gentleman couldn't believe his luck. On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in that part of Alabama.
When they sat down, the gentleman looked over at her and suggested, "Would you like a cocktail before dinner?"
"Oh, no," said this fine example of Southern womanhood, "Whatever would I tell my Sunday School class?"
Our gentleman was set back a bit so he didn't say much until after dinner. When he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked, "Would you like a smoke?"
"Oh my, goodness no," said the woman. "I couldn't face my Sunday School class if I did."
Our boy felt pretty low after that, so they left, got in his car and as he was driving the lady home, they passed the local Holiday Inn. He'd been morally rebuffed twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose so he ventured forth with, "Ahhh, mmmm, how would you like to stop at this motel?"
"Sure, that would be nice," she said with anticipation!
The gentleman couldn't believe his ears, and did a fast U-turn right then and there and drove back to the motel and checked in.
The next morning, after a wild and passionate night, the gentleman woke up first. He looked at the lovely Dixie Darlin' lying there in the bed and with remorse he thought, "What the heck have I done?"
He shook her awake and pleaded, "I've got to ask you one thing. Whatever are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"
The lady said...

"The same thing I always tell them: You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time !"

- MY DADDY... the Dancer

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MY DADDY... the Dancer.


One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up --- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.

However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be our next President, ...but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

- DID YOU Know ? (#1)

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DID YOU Know ? (#1)


In George Washington's days, there were no cameras.
One's image was either sculpted or painted.

Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms.

Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted.

Arms and legs are"limbs", therefore painting them would cost the buyer more.

Hence the expression: "Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg".

- GREAT PICS Of... 2003 (#3)

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GREAT PICS Of... 2003 (group #3)





Thursday, November 29, 2007

- PET LOVERS' Laughter (#1)

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PET LOVERS' Laughter (group #1)








- WHY AREN'T YOU A "Hillary fan" ???

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WHY AREN'T YOU A "Hillary fan" ???

A grade school teacher in upstate New York , asked her class how many of them are 'Hillary fans'.

Not really knowing what a Hillary fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except one boy.

The teacher asked Johnny why he had decided to be different.

Johnny says, "I'm not a Hillary fan."

The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Hillary fan?"

Johnny says, "I'm a George Bush fan."

The teacher asks why he's a George Bush fan.

The boy says, "Well, my mom's a George Bush fan and my dad's a George Bush fan, so I'm a George Bush fan!"

The teacher sarcastically asks, "If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

So Johnny replies, "That would make me a Hillary fan."

- "MAXINE" At Her Usual Best !

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"MAXINE" At Her Usual Best !



- GREAT PICS Of... 2003 (#2)

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GREAT PICS Of... 2003 (group #2)




Wednesday, November 28, 2007

- MAN'S POWDERED Underwear ???

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MAN'S POWDERED Underwear ???


The other morning a man took a pair of underwear out of his drawer.
"What the hell?" he said to himself as a little dust cloud appeared when he shook them out.
"Honey," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"
She shot back: "It's not talcum powder...
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...it's 'Miracle Grow' !!!".

- THE PURPOSE OF FIGHTING IS TO WIN

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"THE PURPOSE OF FIGHTING IS TO WIN.
There is no possible victory in defeat.
The sword is more important than the shield and skill is more important than either.
The final weapon is the brain.
All else is supplemental."
----- John Steinbeck



--- Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he's too old to fight, he'll just kill you.

--- If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.

--- I carry a gun, 'cause a cop is too heavy.

--- America is NOT at war. The U.S. Military IS at war. America is at the mall.

--- When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.

--- A reporter did a human interest piece on the Texas Rangers.
The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked, "Why do you carry a .45 ?".
The Ranger responded with, "Because they don't make a .46."

--- An armed man can kill an unarmed man with monotonous regularity.

--- The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm.
"Sheriff, I see you have your pistol, are you expecting trouble ?"
"No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my shotgun."

--- Beware the man who only has one gun. He probably knows how to use it !



- WITTICISMS... (group #4)

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WITTICISMS... (group #4)


"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
-----Johnny Carson


"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
-----Paul Rodriguez


"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law."
-----Jerry Seinfeld

- LIMERICK #3 "THERE WAS A Young Man From Cape Horn"

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LIMERICK #3 (from Castle Books' big book of "Limericks")

(circa 1927)

There was a young man of Cape Horn
Who wished he had never been born.
And he wouldn't have been
If his father had seen
That the end of the rubber was torn.

Monday, November 26, 2007

- WOW... What a Ride !!!

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WOW--What a Ride !!!




"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body...

...but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming

"WOW--What a Ride"!

- CHECK YOUR Driver's License

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Subject: Check Your Drivers License


I can't believe this! OK, this is just too much!

Check your drivers license... Can you say "privacy?" As in,"where is our right to it ???

Now you can see anyone's Driver's License on the Internet, including your own! I just searched for mine and there it was...picture and all! Thanks to Homeland Security!

I definitely removed mine, I suggest you all do the same.

Maybe we should start up a petition or something protesting this. What do you think?

Go to the website and check it out. It's unbelievable !!!

Just enter your Name, City and State to see if yours is on file. After your license comes on the screen, click the box marked "Please Remove". This will remove it from public viewing, but not from law enforcement.

To check for your license photo just type: http://www.license.shorturl.com

- PFIZER and a New VIAGRA

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PFIZER and a New VIAGRA

Important notice!

Pfizer Corporation announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a "stiff one".

Obviously, we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails," "highballs," and just a good old fashioned "stiff drink."

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of MOUNT 'N DO.

- GREAT PICS Of... 2003

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GREAT PICS Of... 2003






- CHINESE EYE Test... Awesome Man !

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Chinese eye test...

THIS IS BRILLIANT !!! Just Click on the cutout box below...




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If you cannot decipher anything...
then try pulling the corner of your eyes as if you were Chinese.

It works... even if you stand 2ft. away