JOKES, THOUGHTS & WISDOMS

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Not Just Milk & Cookies For Santa?

A beautiful young woman wants to meet Santa Claus in person, so she puts on a robe and stays up late on Christmas Eve.
Santa soon arrives, climbs down the chimney, and begins filling the stockings by the fire.

He is about to leave when the beautiful young woman, who happens to be a gorgeous redhead, says in a sexy voice, "Oh Santa, please stay. Let me help keep the chill away."
Santa replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, gotta go, Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."

The beautiful young woman drops her robe to reveal a sexy bra and panties and says in an even sexier voice, "Oh Santa, don't run a mile; won't you stay with me for a while?"
Santa begins to sweat but replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, Gotta go. Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."

The beautiful young woman takes off her bra and says, "Oh Santa, Please... Stay. Don't you like to see me this way?"
Santa wipes his brow but replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, Gotta go. Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."

She loses the panties and says, "Oh Santa, Please... Stay. Won't you stay with me and play?"
Santa, with sweat pouring off his brow, says, "HEY HEY HEY, Gotta stay, Gotta stay, Can't get up the chimney with my pecker this way !!!"

***************

Monday, January 2, 2012

2 January 2012 (continued): Sex Survey & Black Eyes

Sex Survey
In a recent sex survey, it was revealed that 72% of women would give up sex for the rest of their lives for $1,000,000.
In a related follow-on survey, it was revealed that 99% of husbands found it cost far less than $1,000,000 for their wives to give up sex for life - just buying a cheap wedding ring from Wal-Mart did the trick!

*******

Two Black Eyes
A man came home from work sporting two black eyes.
"What happened to you?" asked his wife.

"I'll never understand women," he replied.
"I was riding up in an escalator behind this pretty young girl, and I noticed that her skirt was stuck in the crack of her butt.
So I pulled it out for her, and she turned around and punched me in the eye!"

"I can certainly understand that," said the wife,
"But how did you get the second black eye?"

"Well, I then figured she must like it that way," said the husband,
"So I pushed it back in."

2 JAN 2012: The Spice of New Lingerie !

2 January 2012

The Spice... And Price... of New Lingerie !
A man walks into Victoria Secrets to purchase some see-through lingerie for his wife.
He is shown several possibilities that range from $50 to $150 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price.
He opts for the sheerest item, pays the $150 and takes the lingerie home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks to herself...
'I have an idea...
It's so see-through that it might as well be nothing.
I won't put it on - I'll just do the modelling naked - then I'll return it tomorrow, get a $150 refund and keep the money for myself'.

So she appears totally naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a seductive pose for her husband.

The husband says,
'Oh my gawd... !
It wasn't nearly that wrinkled when I bought it at the store' !!!

His funeral is set for this Thursday.

Saturday, December 31, 2011

31 DEC 2011: Some New Year's Eve Laughs

31 December 2011: They didn't even make it to 10 p.m. !!!

Honesty hurts... but, he's got a clean slate... and his beer... to start off a brand New Year 2012 !!!

Sad.. but true ! (All too true sometimes)

Silly pussy... it's not even midnight yet.

A little on his pacifier sure opened his eyes wide tonight !

There's where my buddy parked HIS car after the New Year's Eve party...

but, where did my wife park OUR car ?!?

Oh... the morning after is always a killer hangover !

From this angle... she kinda reminds me of a girl I knew in college.
Now those were the fun times, ahhh !!!

Disney is probably not a good place to drink beer and get "all dressed up" on New Year's Eve !

So, that's where my wife parked OUR car after the New Year's Eve party last night !!!

HAVE YOURSELF A HAPPY, RESPONSIBLE, & SAFE NEW YEAR'S EVE TONIGHT !!!