31 DEC 2011: Some New Year's Eve Laughs

31 December 2011: They didn't even make it to 10 p.m. !!!


Honesty hurts... but, he's got a clean slate... and his beer... to start off a brand New Year 2012 !!!


Sad.. but true ! (All too true sometimes)


Silly pussy... it's not even midnight yet.


A little on his pacifier sure opened his eyes wide tonight !


There's where my buddy parked HIS car after the New Year's Eve party...

but, where did my wife park OUR car ?!?


Oh... the morning after is always a killer hangover !


From this angle... she kinda reminds me of a girl I knew in college.
Now those were the fun times, ahhh !!!


Disney is probably not a good place to drink beer and get "all dressed up" on New Year's Eve !


So, that's where my wife parked OUR car after the New Year's Eve party last night !!!



HAVE YOURSELF A HAPPY, RESPONSIBLE, & SAFE NEW YEAR'S EVE TONIGHT !!!

- Mayonnaise Jar & Two Beers...

- Mayonnaise Jar & Two Beers...



When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.


When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly.

The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.

Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full.

The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'


The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.


The students laughed..



'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else---the small stuff.


'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.


Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Spend time with your children.

Spend time with your parents.

Visit with grandparents.

Take time to get medical checkups.

Take your spouse out to dinner.

Play another 18.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.


Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter.


Set your priorities.

The rest is just sand.



One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented.


The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.'

The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.

- OLD DRUNK vs. Mean Biker Dude

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OLD DRUNK vs. Mean Biker Dude

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.

Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table.

He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman !"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says........

"Grandpa.....Go home, you're drunk."

- SUBJECT: Beer, Fishing, Golf, and Sex

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Subject: Beer, Fishing, Golf, and Sex

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money.
Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."