- Mayonnaise Jar & Two Beers...

- Mayonnaise Jar & Two Beers...



When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.


When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly.

The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.

Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full.

The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'


The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.


The students laughed..



'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else---the small stuff.


'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.


Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Spend time with your children.

Spend time with your parents.

Visit with grandparents.

Take time to get medical checkups.

Take your spouse out to dinner.

Play another 18.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.


Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter.


Set your priorities.

The rest is just sand.



One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented.


The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.'

The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.

- WOW... What a Ride !!!

********************************
WOW--What a Ride !!!

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body...

...but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming

"WOW--What a Ride"!

- LIFE IS ALL About Ass...

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LIFE IS ALL About Ass...
LIFE Is all about Ass:

You're either covering it,

laughing it off,

kicking it,

losing it,

kissing it,

busting it,

trying to lose some of it,

or...

trying to get a piece of it.

- LIFE is set up wrong

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Life is set up wrong...

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.

I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time.

What do you get in the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus?

I think the life cycle is all backwards.

You should die first, you know, start out dead, get it out of the way.

You wake up in an old age home, feeling better every day.

You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You drink like a fish, party your ass off, and screw anything that moves - you've only got a few years left, so why not?!?

Then you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby.

Then, you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, larger quarters everyday, and then...
-
-
-
-
...you finish off as an orgasm! Now that's the way to live and Go!