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WHO SAYS COPS Have No Sense Of Humor ? A Collection Of Their Funnier Quotes:
--- "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
--- "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
--- "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
--- "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."
--- "So you don't know how fast you were going . I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
--- "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
--- "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
--- "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog! ?"
--- "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."
--- "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
--- "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
--- "Just how big were those two beers?"
--- "No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
--- "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
--- "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
