********************************
NO SPEAKA De English
A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country. . . we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives. . . "
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm ajusta tellin' my frienda...
*
*
*
*
how to spella "Mississippi'.
*
*
*
(I'VE GOT $5.00 THAT SAYS YOU'RE GONNA GO READ THIS AGAIN !)
Saturday, November 17, 2007
- Subject: POLICE QUIZ
********************************
Subject: POLICE QUIZ
For what reason is the Police Officer pulling these people over?
Scroll down for the answer...
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
How long did it take you to realize......................
She's not wearing a helmet !
Subject: POLICE QUIZ
For what reason is the Police Officer pulling these people over?
Scroll down for the answer... *
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
How long did it take you to realize......................
She's not wearing a helmet !
- BOYS THAT MAKE Their Fathers Proud (#1)
********************************
BOYS THAT MAKE Their Fathers Proud ! (group #1)
BOYS THAT MAKE Their Fathers Proud ! (group #1)
- A FORWARDED Joke
********************************
A FORWARDED Joke...
Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word. Maybe this will explain.
When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do?
You forward jokes.
When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact.
You forward jokes.
When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how.
You forward jokes.
Also, to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get...
A FORWARDED JOKE.
A FORWARDED Joke...
Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word. Maybe this will explain.
When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do?
You forward jokes.
When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact.
You forward jokes.
When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how.
You forward jokes.
Also, to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get...
A FORWARDED JOKE.
- Subject: COWBOY At Church
Subject: COWBOY At Church
One Sunday morning, an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin.
Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt, and boots that were very worn and ragged. In his hand he carried a worn-out old hat and an equally worn-out Bible.
The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The people of the congregation were all dressed in expensive clothes and accessories.
As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled at his appearance and did not attempt to hide it.
As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. Before you come back in here again, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be appropriate attire for worship." The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.
The next Sunday, he showed back up for the services wearing the same ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again he was completely shunned and ignored. The preacher approached the man and said, "I thought I asked you to speak to God before you came back toour church."
"I did," replied the old cowboy.
"If you spoke to God, what did he tell you the proper attire should be for worshiping in here?" asked the preacher.
"Well, sir, God told me that He didn't have a clue what I should wear. He said He'd never been in this church !
One Sunday morning, an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin.
Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt, and boots that were very worn and ragged. In his hand he carried a worn-out old hat and an equally worn-out Bible.
The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The people of the congregation were all dressed in expensive clothes and accessories.
As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled at his appearance and did not attempt to hide it.
As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. Before you come back in here again, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be appropriate attire for worship." The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.
The next Sunday, he showed back up for the services wearing the same ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again he was completely shunned and ignored. The preacher approached the man and said, "I thought I asked you to speak to God before you came back toour church."
"I did," replied the old cowboy.
"If you spoke to God, what did he tell you the proper attire should be for worshiping in here?" asked the preacher.
"Well, sir, God told me that He didn't have a clue what I should wear. He said He'd never been in this church !
- CAN WE KEEP 'Em, Mom ?
********************************
CAN WE KEEP 'Em, Mom ?
So there I was . . . just relaxing in front of the TV when the kids yelled...
"Hey Mom, come see the baby kittens."
*
*
*
*
*
CAN WE KEEP 'Em, Mom ?
So there I was . . . just relaxing in front of the TV when the kids yelled...
"Hey Mom, come see the baby kittens."
*
*
*
*
*
Friday, November 16, 2007
- UNBELIEVABLE SCULPTURES ! (#2)
*************************************
UNBELIEVABLE SCULPTURES ! (group #2)
RON Mueck is a London-based photo-realist artist.
Born in Melbourne,Australia, to parents who were toy makers, he labored on children's television shows for 15 years before working in special effects for such films as Labyrinth, a 1986 fantasy epic starring David Bowie.
Eventually Mueck concluded that photography pretty much destroys the physical presence of the original object, and so he turned to fine art and sculpture.
(NOTE*** See my earlier "UNBELIEVABLE SCULPTURES ! (group #1)" for a little more about the artist)
UNBELIEVABLE SCULPTURES ! (group #2)
RON Mueck is a London-based photo-realist artist.
Born in Melbourne,Australia, to parents who were toy makers, he labored on children's television shows for 15 years before working in special effects for such films as Labyrinth, a 1986 fantasy epic starring David Bowie.
Eventually Mueck concluded that photography pretty much destroys the physical presence of the original object, and so he turned to fine art and sculpture.
(NOTE*** See my earlier "UNBELIEVABLE SCULPTURES ! (group #1)" for a little more about the artist)
- FRIENDSHIPS And Great Pics (#1)
********************************
FRIENDSHIPS And Great Pics (#1)
The best kind of friend
Is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with,
Never say a word,
And then walk away
Feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
FRIENDSHIPS And Great Pics (#1)
The best kind of friendIs the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with,
Never say a word,
And then walk away
Feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
- DRINKING WATER Is Great For You !
********************************
Subject: DRINKING WATER Is Great For You !
Listen up y'all !
ABOUT DRINKING WATER... The following will probably amaze and startle you:
--- One glass of water shuts down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University study.
--- Lack of water is the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
--- Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.
--- A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen.
--- Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and you are 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.
(No kidding, all of the above are true...)
Are YOU drinking the amount of water you should drink every day?
Of course... Too Much Water may have strange side effects...........
*
*
*
*
*
Now that I have your attention, go get another glass of water!
---BUT BE VERY CAREFUL.
Subject: DRINKING WATER Is Great For You !
Listen up y'all !
ABOUT DRINKING WATER... The following will probably amaze and startle you:
--- One glass of water shuts down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University study.
--- Lack of water is the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
--- Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.
--- A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen.
--- Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and you are 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.
(No kidding, all of the above are true...)
Are YOU drinking the amount of water you should drink every day?
Of course... Too Much Water may have strange side effects...........
*
*
*
*
*
Now that I have your attention, go get another glass of water!
---BUT BE VERY CAREFUL.
- WHY I FIRED My Secretary
********************************
Subject: WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY
Last week was my birthday, and when I woke up that day I went downstairs for breakfast. I was hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday! ", and possibly have a present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember.
My kids came down for breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss, Happy Birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"
We went to lunch. We dined at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"
I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"
She said, "Let's go to my apartment."
After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back."
"Ok." I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes; she came out carrying a huge birthday cake... Followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".
And I just sat there...
*
*
*
Naked !!!
Subject: WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY
Last week was my birthday, and when I woke up that day I went downstairs for breakfast. I was hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday! ", and possibly have a present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember.
My kids came down for breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss, Happy Birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"
We went to lunch. We dined at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"
I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"
She said, "Let's go to my apartment."
After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back."
"Ok." I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes; she came out carrying a huge birthday cake... Followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".
And I just sat there...
*
*
*
Naked !!!
- Subject: Watch your beer intake !!!
********************************
Subject: Watch your beer intake !!!
Watch your beer intake... or ELSE !!!
Subject: Watch your beer intake !!!
Watch your beer intake... or ELSE !!!
Thursday, November 15, 2007
- FOR THE RECORD... The sky is not falling
********************************
FOR THE RECORD "It is the greatest scam in history.
I am amazed, appalled and highly offended by it.
Global Warming; It is a SCAM.
Some dastardly scientists with environmental and political motives manipulated long term scientific data to create in allusion of rapid global warming.
Other scientists of the same environmental whacko type jumped into the circle to support and broaden the 'research' to further enhance the totally slanted, bogus global warming claims. Their friends in government steered huge research grants their way to keep the movement going.
Soon they claimed to be a consensus... I do not oppose environmentalism. I do not oppose the political positions of either party.
However, Global Warming, ie Climate Change, is not about environmentalism or politics. It is not a religion. It is not something you 'believe in.' It is science; the science of meteorology. This is my field of life-long expertise. And I am telling you Global Warming is a non-event, a manufactured crisis and a total scam.
I say this knowing you probably won't believe me, a mere TV weatherman, challenging a Nobel Prize, Academy Award and Emmy Award winning former Vice President of United States. So be it...
There is no run away climate change. The impact of humans on climate is not catastrophic. Our planet is not in peril...
In time, a decade or two, the outrageous scam will be obvious. As the temperature rises, polar ice cap melting, coastal flooding and superstorm pattern all fail to occur as predicted everyone will come to realize we have been duped.
The sky is not falling." -John Coleman, founder of the Weather Channel
FOR THE RECORD "It is the greatest scam in history.
I am amazed, appalled and highly offended by it.
Global Warming; It is a SCAM.
Some dastardly scientists with environmental and political motives manipulated long term scientific data to create in allusion of rapid global warming.
Other scientists of the same environmental whacko type jumped into the circle to support and broaden the 'research' to further enhance the totally slanted, bogus global warming claims. Their friends in government steered huge research grants their way to keep the movement going.
Soon they claimed to be a consensus... I do not oppose environmentalism. I do not oppose the political positions of either party.
However, Global Warming, ie Climate Change, is not about environmentalism or politics. It is not a religion. It is not something you 'believe in.' It is science; the science of meteorology. This is my field of life-long expertise. And I am telling you Global Warming is a non-event, a manufactured crisis and a total scam.
I say this knowing you probably won't believe me, a mere TV weatherman, challenging a Nobel Prize, Academy Award and Emmy Award winning former Vice President of United States. So be it...
There is no run away climate change. The impact of humans on climate is not catastrophic. Our planet is not in peril...
In time, a decade or two, the outrageous scam will be obvious. As the temperature rises, polar ice cap melting, coastal flooding and superstorm pattern all fail to occur as predicted everyone will come to realize we have been duped.
The sky is not falling." -John Coleman, founder of the Weather Channel
- GOTTA LOVE Them Animals ! (#2)
*************************************
GOTTA LOVE THEM Animals ! (group #2)
GOTTA LOVE THEM Animals ! (group #2)
- EVERYTHING I NEEDED To Know... Noah's Ark
*************************************
Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark
1: Don't miss the boat.
2: Remember that we are all in the same boat.
3: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
4: Stay fit... When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
5: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
6: Build your future on high ground.
7: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
8: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
9: When you're stressed, float a while.
10: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
11: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting.
.....Pass this along and make someone else smile, too.
Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark
1: Don't miss the boat.
2: Remember that we are all in the same boat.
3: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
4: Stay fit... When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
5: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
6: Build your future on high ground.
7: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
8: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
9: When you're stressed, float a while.
10: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
11: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting.
.....Pass this along and make someone else smile, too.
- SUBJECT: Professional Pharmacists & Cowboy
*************************************
Subject: Professional Pharmacists
A cowboy walked into a drug store in Texas and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to said she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no males employed there. She then asked if she could help him.
The cowpoke said it was something he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him she was completely professional and whatever it was he needed to discuss, he could be confident she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The cowboy then agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it."
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll consult with my sister."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is as follows: 1/3 ownership in the store, a company pickup truck, and $3,000 a month living expenses."
Subject: Professional Pharmacists
A cowboy walked into a drug store in Texas and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to said she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no males employed there. She then asked if she could help him.
The cowpoke said it was something he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him she was completely professional and whatever it was he needed to discuss, he could be confident she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The cowboy then agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it."
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll consult with my sister."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is as follows: 1/3 ownership in the store, a company pickup truck, and $3,000 a month living expenses."
- UNBELIEVABLE SCULPTURES ! (#1)
*************************************
UNBELIEVABLE SCULPTURES ! (group #1)
RON Mueck is a London-based photo-realist artist.
Born in Melbourne,Australia, to parents who were toy makers, he labored on children's television shows for 15 years before working in special effects for such films as Labyrinth, a 1986 fantasy epic starring David Bowie.
Eventually Mueck concluded that photography pretty much destroys the physical presence of the original object, and so he turned to fine art and sculpture.
In the early 1990's, still in his advertising days, Mueck was commissioned to make something highly realistic, and was wondering what material would do the trick. Latex was the usual, but he wanted something harder, more precise. Luckily, he saw a little architectural decor on the wall of a boutique and inquired as to the nice, pink stuff's nature.
Fiberglass resin was the answer, and Mueck has made it his bronze and marble ever since.
His work is lifelike but not life size, and being face to face with the tiny, gossiping Two Women (2005) or the monumental woman In Bed (2005) is an unforgettable experience.
UNBELIEVABLE SCULPTURES ! (group #1)
RON Mueck is a London-based photo-realist artist.
Born in Melbourne,Australia, to parents who were toy makers, he labored on children's television shows for 15 years before working in special effects for such films as Labyrinth, a 1986 fantasy epic starring David Bowie.
Eventually Mueck concluded that photography pretty much destroys the physical presence of the original object, and so he turned to fine art and sculpture.
In the early 1990's, still in his advertising days, Mueck was commissioned to make something highly realistic, and was wondering what material would do the trick. Latex was the usual, but he wanted something harder, more precise. Luckily, he saw a little architectural decor on the wall of a boutique and inquired as to the nice, pink stuff's nature.
Fiberglass resin was the answer, and Mueck has made it his bronze and marble ever since.
His work is lifelike but not life size, and being face to face with the tiny, gossiping Two Women (2005) or the monumental woman In Bed (2005) is an unforgettable experience.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
- ONE DAY AT A TIME...
*************************************
ONE DAY AT A TIME...
The most useless thing to do ... ..........Worry
The greatest Joy....................... .......................Giving
The greatest loss..................................Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work............. ...................Helping others
The ugliest personality trait...............Selfishness
The most endangered species.........................Dedicated leaders
The greatest "shot in the arm"............Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome......... ......Fear
Most effective sleeping pill........... ......Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease..... ............Excuses
The most powerful force in life...........Love
The most dangerous pariah............... .............A gossiper
The world's most incredible computer...The brain !
The worst thing to be without.......... ..............Hope
The deadliest weapon.... .....................The tongue
The two most power-filled words..................."I Can"
The greatest asset.............. .................Faith
The most worthless emotion...........................Self-pity
The most prized possession................Integrity
The most beautiful attire................ ................A SMILE!
The most powerful channel of communication...Prayer
The most contagious spirit............ .................Enthusiasm
The most important thing in life....... GOD
ONE DAY AT A TIME...
The most useless thing to do ... ..........Worry
The greatest Joy....................... .......................Giving
The greatest loss..................................Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work............. ...................Helping others
The ugliest personality trait...............Selfishness
The most endangered species.........................Dedicated leaders
The greatest "shot in the arm"............Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome......... ......Fear
Most effective sleeping pill........... ......Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease..... ............Excuses
The most powerful force in life...........Love
The most dangerous pariah............... .............A gossiper
The world's most incredible computer...The brain !
The worst thing to be without.......... ..............Hope
The deadliest weapon.... .....................The tongue
The two most power-filled words..................."I Can"
The greatest asset.............. .................Faith
The most worthless emotion...........................Self-pity
The most prized possession................Integrity
The most beautiful attire................ ................A SMILE!
The most powerful channel of communication...Prayer
The most contagious spirit............ .................Enthusiasm
The most important thing in life....... GOD
- GOTTA LOVE Them Animals ! (#1)
*************************************
GOTTA LOVE Them Animals ! (group #1)
GOTTA LOVE Them Animals ! (group #1)
- REDNECK MAN'S BEST Pick Up Lines
*********************************
REDNECK MAN'S Best Pick Up Lines:
1) Did you fart? cuz you blew me away.
2) Are yer parents retarded? cuz ya sure are special.
3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea ... I can't hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card? cuz I'd like to check you out.
5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? cuz I can see myself in em.
6) If you in I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in yer hole.
7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.
8) Man - "Fat Penguin!"
Woman - "WHAT?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice."
9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.
10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went inta this cheap motel room.
11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.
and.... the best for last!
13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up
REDNECK MAN'S Best Pick Up Lines:
1) Did you fart? cuz you blew me away.
2) Are yer parents retarded? cuz ya sure are special.
3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea ... I can't hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card? cuz I'd like to check you out.
5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? cuz I can see myself in em.
6) If you in I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in yer hole.
7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.
8) Man - "Fat Penguin!"
Woman - "WHAT?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice."
9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.
10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went inta this cheap motel room.
11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.
and.... the best for last!
13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up
- HOW TO KNOW If You Need To Pray At Work
*********************************
HOW TO KNOW If You Need To Pray At Work:
- When a coworker comes in happily singing "good morning" to everyone and you think "Somebody needs to slap the s*#@ out of her !" ... YOU MAY NEED TO PRAY AT WORK !
- When someone announces "Office meeting in 5 minutes !" and you think "What the f*#$ do they want now ?" ... YOU MAY NEED TO PRAY AT WORK !
- When your computer is mysteriously turned off overnight and you want to shout "which of you sons of b#@&*$# shut off my computer ?" ... YOU MAY NEED TO PRAY AT WORK !
- When you're in the elevator and it stops for someone and that person then only goes DOWN one floor... and you think "That lazy b&*$#." ... YOU MAY NEED TO PRAY AT WORK !
-When you take vacation time off and return to find a pile of untouched work on your desk because no one else would do it, and you think about your coworkers... "you sorry a$& m@%#&* f%#@*$+!" ... YOU MAY NEED TO PRAY AT WORK !
- If you have ever thought of poisoning, choking, slapping, stabbing, or punching someone you work with. ... YOU MAY NEED TO PRAY AT WORK !
*
*
*
And...
*
*
If you knew all the words that were "bleeped" out above... YOU DEFINITELY NEED TO PRAY AT WORK !
HOW TO KNOW If You Need To Pray At Work:
- When a coworker comes in happily singing "good morning" to everyone and you think "Somebody needs to slap the s*#@ out of her !" ... YOU MAY NEED TO PRAY AT WORK !
- When someone announces "Office meeting in 5 minutes !" and you think "What the f*#$ do they want now ?" ... YOU MAY NEED TO PRAY AT WORK !
- When your computer is mysteriously turned off overnight and you want to shout "which of you sons of b#@&*$# shut off my computer ?" ... YOU MAY NEED TO PRAY AT WORK !
- When you're in the elevator and it stops for someone and that person then only goes DOWN one floor... and you think "That lazy b&*$#." ... YOU MAY NEED TO PRAY AT WORK !
-When you take vacation time off and return to find a pile of untouched work on your desk because no one else would do it, and you think about your coworkers... "you sorry a$& m@%#&* f%#@*$+!" ... YOU MAY NEED TO PRAY AT WORK !
- If you have ever thought of poisoning, choking, slapping, stabbing, or punching someone you work with. ... YOU MAY NEED TO PRAY AT WORK !
*
*
*
And...
*
*
If you knew all the words that were "bleeped" out above... YOU DEFINITELY NEED TO PRAY AT WORK !
- WIN A TRIP To The Beijing Olympics !
*********************************
Win A Trip To The Beijing Olympics !
To participate in the contest is very easy: Simply view the attached photo and correctly answer the following questions, then send your answers to:
International Olympic Committee,
Private Bag,
Lausanne, Switzerland.
1. Which student seems to appear tired/sleepy?
2. Which ones are the male twins?
3. Which ones are the female twins?
4. How many women are in the group?
5. Which one is the teacher?
Good Luck!
Win A Trip To The Beijing Olympics !
To participate in the contest is very easy: Simply view the attached photo and correctly answer the following questions, then send your answers to:
International Olympic Committee,
Private Bag,
Lausanne, Switzerland.
1. Which student seems to appear tired/sleepy?
2. Which ones are the male twins?
3. Which ones are the female twins?
4. How many women are in the group?
5. Which one is the teacher?
Good Luck!
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
- THE 'HERO of Chappaquiddick' speaks . . .
********************************
THE 'HERO of Chappaquiddick' speaks.
For those who have not forgotten,
a very ironic quote from the senior U.S. Senator from Massachusetts on his support for amnesty for illegal aliens....
The 'Hero of Chappaquiddick' speaks . . .
Ted Kennedy on why he supports amnesty for those sneaking across the Rio Grande:
THE 'HERO of Chappaquiddick' speaks.
For those who have not forgotten,
a very ironic quote from the senior U.S. Senator from Massachusetts on his support for amnesty for illegal aliens....
The 'Hero of Chappaquiddick' speaks . . .
Ted Kennedy on why he supports amnesty for those sneaking across the Rio Grande:
- SUBJECT: A True American !
*************************************
Subject: TRUE AMERICAN
Subject: TRUE AMERICAN
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN...
- ...IF It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One Nation, Under God."
- ...IF You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.
- ...IF You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."
- ...IF You bow your head when Anyone prays.
- ...IF You STAND and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.
- ...IF You treat ANY VETERAN with great respect - always have, always will.
- ...IF You've never burned an American flag and never will.
- ...IF You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
- ...IF You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.
- ...IF You'd give your last dollar to a friend.
- THE WISDOM Of Will Rogers...
*************************************
The Wisdom Of Will Rogers...
Don't squat with your spurs on.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n putting' it back in.
If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him ...The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
When you're throwing' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
There are three kinds of men... The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
The Wisdom Of Will Rogers...
Don't squat with your spurs on.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n putting' it back in.
If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him ...The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
When you're throwing' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
There are three kinds of men... The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
- CLEAN JOKES for slightly twisted minds! (#5)
*************************************
Clean jokes for slightly twisted minds! (group #5)
Clean jokes for slightly twisted minds! (group #5)
- LIMERICK (#2) - There Was A Young Lady...
*************************************
LIMERICK #2 (from Castle Books' big book of "Limericks")
There was a young lady of Maine
Who declared she'd a man on the brain.
But you knew from the view
Of the way her waist grew,
It was not on her brain that he'd lain.
LIMERICK #2 (from Castle Books' big book of "Limericks")
There was a young lady of Maine
Who declared she'd a man on the brain.
But you knew from the view
Of the way her waist grew,
It was not on her brain that he'd lain.
- LIMERICK #1 - There Was A Young Girl...
*************************************
LIMERICK (#1) (from Castle Books' big book of "Limericks")
There Was A Young Girl from Hoboken
Who claimed that her hymen was broken
From riding a bike
On a cobblestone pike,
But it really was broken from pokin'.
LIMERICK (#1) (from Castle Books' big book of "Limericks")
There Was A Young Girl from Hoboken
Who claimed that her hymen was broken
From riding a bike
On a cobblestone pike,
But it really was broken from pokin'.
Monday, November 12, 2007
- Subject: NEVER LET Your Mom Do This
*************************************
Subject: NEVER, I Mean NEVER, Let Your Mom Do The Wedding Invitations If She DOESN'T LIKE Your Fiancee !!!
Subject: NEVER, I Mean NEVER, Let Your Mom Do The Wedding Invitations If She DOESN'T LIKE Your Fiancee !!!
- VERY GOOD Housekeeping Tip:
********************************
VERY Good Housekeeping Tip:
Always keep several get well cards on the mantel, so if unexpected guests arrive...
VERY Good Housekeeping Tip:
Always keep several get well cards on the mantel, so if unexpected guests arrive...
...they will think you've been sick and unable to clean.
- GOOD NEWS & Bad News for Artist
********************************
GOOD NEWS & Bad News for Artist...
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have some good news and some bad news," the owner replied. The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death." "When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
*
*
*
*
"The guy is your doctor !"
GOOD NEWS & Bad News for Artist...
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have some good news and some bad news," the owner replied. The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death." "When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
*
*
*
*
"The guy is your doctor !"
Sunday, November 11, 2007
- TED NUGENT Interview:
********************************
TED NUGENT Interview:
Ted Nugent was being interviewed by a British journalist.
The journalist asked, "What do you think the last thought is in the head of a deer before you shoot it?
Is it, 'Are you my friend?' Or is it 'Are you the one who killed my brother?'"
Nugent replied, "They aren't capable of that kind of thinking.
All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away.'"
They are very much like the French in that way."
TED NUGENT Interview:
Ted Nugent was being interviewed by a British journalist.
The journalist asked, "What do you think the last thought is in the head of a deer before you shoot it?
Is it, 'Are you my friend?' Or is it 'Are you the one who killed my brother?'"
Nugent replied, "They aren't capable of that kind of thinking.
All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away.'"
They are very much like the French in that way."
- CLEAN JOKES for slightly twisted minds! (#4)
*************************************
Clean jokes for slightly twisted minds! (group #4)
Clean jokes for slightly twisted minds! (group #4)
- MICHELIN'S "Next Generation" of Tires
*************************************
MICHELIN'S AMAZING "Next Generation" of Tires...
Thought you might like to see the next generation of tires.
They had a pair at the Philadelphia Car show.
These tires are airless and are scheduled to be out on the market very soon.
Bad news for law enforcement... spike strips will not work on these tires.
This is what great R&D can do when they put their minds to it.
Just think of the impact on existing technology: no more air valves.......no more air compressors at gas stations.....no more repair kits.
NOT The Cutest Looking Tires But They Are AWESOME !
MICHELIN'S AMAZING "Next Generation" of Tires...
Thought you might like to see the next generation of tires.
They had a pair at the Philadelphia Car show.
These tires are airless and are scheduled to be out on the market very soon.
Bad news for law enforcement... spike strips will not work on these tires.
This is what great R&D can do when they put their minds to it.
Just think of the impact on existing technology: no more air valves.......no more air compressors at gas stations.....no more repair kits.
NOT The Cutest Looking Tires But They Are AWESOME !
- AN IMPRESSIVE Display In The Pacific !
*************************************
AN IMPRESSIVE Display In The Pacific !
Pics from one of the largest joint exercises in the Pacific in many years.
KITTY HAWK is the carrier in the center. The other carriers are USS Abraham Lincoln and the USS Ronald Reagan.
Enjoy your freedoms and... Thank a Veteran Today ! Have a nice Veterans' Day !
God Bless The USA !
AN IMPRESSIVE Display In The Pacific !
Pics from one of the largest joint exercises in the Pacific in many years.
KITTY HAWK is the carrier in the center. The other carriers are USS Abraham Lincoln and the USS Ronald Reagan.
Enjoy your freedoms and... Thank a Veteran Today ! Have a nice Veterans' Day !
God Bless The USA !
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
