Sunday, November 4, 2007

- Retired Husband Banned At WAL-MART


Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past 6 months, your retired husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores.

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused.

All complaints against Mr Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.

Regretfully Yours,

Mr. Wally Underpants
President and CEO
Wal-Mart Complaint Department.

MEMO Re: Mr. Bill Fenton- complaints-15 things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3" in housewares and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the service desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. Sept. 14: Moved a ' Caution - wet Floor' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping dept. and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding dept.
8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks "Why can't you people just leave me alone.
9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting dept., asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. Dec. 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. Dec 6: In the auto dept, practiced his "Madonna Look" using different size funnels.
13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people broused thru yelled "pick me" Pick me!.
14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! No! Its those voices again.
(And last, but not least!)
15. Dec. 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

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