GREAT FALL "Rainbows Of Color" (group #3)
Thursday, December 27, 2007
- GREAT FALL "Rainbows Of Color" (#3)
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GREAT FALL "Rainbows Of Color" (group #3)
GREAT FALL "Rainbows Of Color" (group #3)
- WORST First Date EVER !
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Subject: WORST First Date EVER !
We have all had bad dates...but this takes the cake.
This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays.
This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had.
The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter ... snowing and quite cold and the guy had taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before.
The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.
They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be on the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.
Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking.
All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.
It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance"!
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.
Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!
Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
AS FOR THE "TONIGHT SHOW"... she took the prize hands down ... or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing.
Subject: WORST First Date EVER !
We have all had bad dates...but this takes the cake.
This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays.
This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had.
The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter ... snowing and quite cold and the guy had taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before.
The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.
They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be on the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.
Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking.
All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.
It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance"!
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.
Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!
Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
AS FOR THE "TONIGHT SHOW"... she took the prize hands down ... or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing.
- I ASSUME A Wreath Is Out Of The Question
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I ASSUME A Wreath Is Out Of The Question, Too.
"I assume you don't want to put a wreath on the front door either ?"
I ASSUME A Wreath Is Out Of The Question, Too.
"I assume you don't want to put a wreath on the front door either ?"Sunday, December 23, 2007
- THE WIZ MEETS The Prez's
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THE WIZ MEETS The Prez's
We're off to see the Wizard!
Four United States Presidents get caught up in a tornado.....
And off they whirled to the land of OZ.
They finally made it to the Emerald City.... ...and went to find the Great Wizard.
"What brings the four of you before the great Wizard of Oz?"
THE WIZ MEETS The Prez's
We're off to see the Wizard!
Four United States Presidents get caught up in a tornado.....
And off they whirled to the land of OZ.
They finally made it to the Emerald City.... ...and went to find the Great Wizard.
"What brings the four of you before the great Wizard of Oz?"
Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly: "I 've come for some courage."
"No Problem!" said the Wizard, "Who's next?"
Richard Nixon stepped forward, and said: "Well, I think I need a heart."
"Done! Says the Wizard."
"Who comes next before the Great and Powerful Oz?"
Up stepped President Bush and said, "The American people say that I need a brain."
"No problem!" Said the Wizard. "Consider it done."
Then there is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around... But he doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "Well, what do YOU want?"
"IS DOROTHY HERE?"
Thursday, December 20, 2007
- DID YOU Know ? (#2)
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DID YOU Know ? (#2)
DID YOU Know ? (#2)
As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year! (in May and October)
Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs.
Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. The wigs couldn't be washed, so to clean them they could carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes.
The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term "bigwig".
Today we often use the term "here comes the Big Wig" because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.
- YOU DON'T GET Any Closer Than This...
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YOU DON'T GET any closer to bustin your ass than this............
Contributer says : " The tail strike occurred during at a 1990 airshow in Harrison, Arkansas.
Kelly, who was a technician for the FAA and somewhat of a camera buff, was tracking this guy flying a MiG-15 with his camera.
The pilot had just completed a loop and misjudged his pull-out.
Everyone considering themselves as potential victims, took-off running in all directions. But Kelly had a non-threatening position with strong motivation to take the picture.
So just as the MiG scraped the ground, Kelly captured this rare image.
Had it been circulated at the time, this clear, once in a lifetime photograph might have earned an award.
A few weeks later, in Fort Smith, Kelly was showing me these pictures he had developed at a local Walmart. I asked him for a copy and now have it hanging on my office wall ...a clear depiction of the tiny difference between life and death.
Oh, by the way... the guy just flew a wide circle, lowered his landing gear, touched down then taxied in showing very minor damage."
YOU DON'T GET any closer to bustin your ass than this............
Contributer says : " The tail strike occurred during at a 1990 airshow in Harrison, Arkansas.Kelly, who was a technician for the FAA and somewhat of a camera buff, was tracking this guy flying a MiG-15 with his camera.
The pilot had just completed a loop and misjudged his pull-out.
Everyone considering themselves as potential victims, took-off running in all directions. But Kelly had a non-threatening position with strong motivation to take the picture.
So just as the MiG scraped the ground, Kelly captured this rare image.
Had it been circulated at the time, this clear, once in a lifetime photograph might have earned an award.
A few weeks later, in Fort Smith, Kelly was showing me these pictures he had developed at a local Walmart. I asked him for a copy and now have it hanging on my office wall ...a clear depiction of the tiny difference between life and death.
Oh, by the way... the guy just flew a wide circle, lowered his landing gear, touched down then taxied in showing very minor damage."
- YOU WANT A What ?
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YOU WANT A What ?
A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per
hour. The wife is behind the wheel.
Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice.
"Darling," he says. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed up to 45 mph.
The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it,"
he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.
He then pushes his luck. "I want the house, too" he says insistently.
The car's now up to 60. "I want the car, too," he continues.
Up to 65 mph.
"And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat."
The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.
This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife at last replies - in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need." she says.
"Oh, really?" he inquires, "So what have you got?"
Just before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles. "The airbag."
NEVER underestimate how a woman thinks.
YOU WANT A What ?
A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles perhour. The wife is behind the wheel.
Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice.
"Darling," he says. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed up to 45 mph.
The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it,"
he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.
He then pushes his luck. "I want the house, too" he says insistently.
The car's now up to 60. "I want the car, too," he continues.
Up to 65 mph.
"And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat."
The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.
This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife at last replies - in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need." she says.
"Oh, really?" he inquires, "So what have you got?"
Just before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles. "The airbag."
NEVER underestimate how a woman thinks.
- WITTICISMS... (#5)
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WITTICISMS... (group #5)
"Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest.
What is the logic in that?
What, do tall people burn slower?"
---Warren Hutcherson
"Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many.
Monogamy is the same."
---Oscar Wilde
"Suppose you were an idiot ...
And suppose you were a member of Congress...
But I repeat myself."
---Mark Twain
"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan."
---A. Whitney Brown
"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says,
'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
---Dave Barry
Do you know why they call it "PMS"?
Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
---Unknown, ...presumed deceased
WITTICISMS... (group #5)
"Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest.
What is the logic in that?
What, do tall people burn slower?"
---Warren Hutcherson
"Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many.
Monogamy is the same."
---Oscar Wilde
"Suppose you were an idiot ...
And suppose you were a member of Congress...
But I repeat myself."
---Mark Twain
"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan."
---A. Whitney Brown
"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says,
'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
---Dave Barry
Do you know why they call it "PMS"?
Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
---Unknown, ...presumed deceased
Friday, December 14, 2007
- 19 SAYINGS WE'D LIKE To See On Office Posters
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19 Sayings We'd Like To See On Office Posters
1. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
2. If you can stay calm, while all around you there is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
5. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.
6. Plagiarism saves time.
19 Sayings We'd Like To See On Office Posters
1. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
2. If you can stay calm, while all around you there is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
5. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.
6. Plagiarism saves time.
7. If at first you don't succeed, try management.
8. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
9. TEAMWORK: means never having to take all the blame yourself.
10. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
11. Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
12. We waste time, so you don't have to.
13. Hang in there, retirement is only 50 years away!
14. Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes; that way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away AND you have their shoes!
15. A snooze button is a poor excuse for no alarm clock at all.
16. When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
17. INDECISION: is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
18. Succeed in spite of management.
19. Aim Low, Reach your Goals, Avoid Disappointment !!!
- GREAT FALL "Rainbows Of Color" (#2)
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GREAT FALL "Rainbows Of Color" (group #2)
GREAT FALL "Rainbows Of Color" (group #2)
- BABY'S FIRST Doctor Visit...
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BABY'S FIRST Doctor Visit...
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
"Breast-fed" she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.
She did as he directed.
He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, he said,
"No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."
"I know," she said with a smile, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I brought him in today !"
BABY'S FIRST Doctor Visit...
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
"Breast-fed" she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.
She did as he directed.
He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, he said,
"No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."
"I know," she said with a smile, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I brought him in today !"
Thursday, December 13, 2007
- YACHT DELIVERY DAY !
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YACHT DELIVERY DAY !
One 65' custom-built motor yacht complete with 4 staterooms, a state-of-the-art galley, GPS System and radar for navigation, twin supercharged diesel engines, etc... ready for delivery.
$4,500,000.00
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Champagne, chocolate covered strawberries with cream and music dockside for the excited "soon to be owners" and a small group of friends.
$500.00
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Two corporate representatives, one crane, and rigging complete with faulty turnbuckle.
$2,500/hour
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(Note the guy in the stern !)
Watching your dreamboat nose dive into the harbor, accompanied by two corporate Representatives just prior to "inking" the final paperwork...
PRICELESS !
YACHT DELIVERY DAY !
One 65' custom-built motor yacht complete with 4 staterooms, a state-of-the-art galley, GPS System and radar for navigation, twin supercharged diesel engines, etc... ready for delivery.
$4,500,000.00
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Champagne, chocolate covered strawberries with cream and music dockside for the excited "soon to be owners" and a small group of friends.
$500.00
*********************************
Two corporate representatives, one crane, and rigging complete with faulty turnbuckle. $2,500/hour
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(Note the guy in the stern !)
Watching your dreamboat nose dive into the harbor, accompanied by two corporate Representatives just prior to "inking" the final paperwork...PRICELESS !
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
- GREAT FALL "Rainbows Of Color" (#1)
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GREAT FALL "Rainbows Of Color" (group #1)
GREAT FALL "Rainbows Of Color" (group #1)
- IF MEN VACUUMED...... and Other Thoughts
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IF MEN VACUUMED......
...and Other Thoughts
He said . . .. I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said .. . You wear pants don't you?
He said .. . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa.
He said ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
On a wall in a ladies room . . "My husband follows me everywhere"
Written just below it . " I do not"
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.
Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.
Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They're married.
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."
IF MEN VACUUMED......
...and Other ThoughtsHe said . . .. I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said .. . You wear pants don't you?
He said .. . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa.
He said ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
On a wall in a ladies room . . "My husband follows me everywhere"
Written just below it . " I do not"
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.
Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.
Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They're married.
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."
- GEORGE CARLIN... A Message
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GEORGE CARLIN (His wife recently died...)
--- Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.
GEORGE CARLIN (His wife recently died...)
--- Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.--- What a difference a sad event in someone's life can sometimes make.
A Message by George Carlin:
- The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
- We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.
- We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.
- We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
- We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
- We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
- We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
- We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.
- We've added years to life not life to years.
- We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.
- We conquered outer space but not inner space.
- We've done larger things, but not better things.
- We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
- We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.
- We write more, but learn less.
- We plan more, but accomplish less.
- We've learned to rush, but not to wait.
- We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
- These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.
- These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.
- These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
- It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.
- A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.
- Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
- Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
- Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
- Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it.
- A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
- Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
- Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
- AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
If you don't send this to at least 8 people.... Who cares?
---------George Carlin----------
Sunday, December 2, 2007
- THE BLONDE AND The Female Cop
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THE BLONDE AND The Female Cop
A female blonde was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman cop who was also a blonde.
The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license.
The driver dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she asked.
The cop replied, "It's small, square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a small square makeup mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the cop.
"Here it is," she said.
The blonde cop looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
"Oh Okay, you can go... I didn't realize you were a cop, too."
THE BLONDE AND The Female Cop
A female blonde was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman cop who was also a blonde.
The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license.
The driver dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she asked.
The cop replied, "It's small, square and it has your picture on it."The driver finally found a small square makeup mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the cop.
"Here it is," she said.
The blonde cop looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
"Oh Okay, you can go... I didn't realize you were a cop, too."
Friday, November 30, 2007
- THE PURSUIT Of The Teacher
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THE PURSUIT Of The Teacher
"The same thing I always tell them: You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time !"
THE PURSUIT Of The Teacher
The lady was a Southern Baptist who attended services and taught Sunday School every week.
On one Sunday, an out-of-town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew right behind her.
He noted what a fine looking woman she was.
While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and said, "Hey, how about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?"
"Why yes, that would be nice," the lady responded.
The gentleman couldn't believe his luck. On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in that part of Alabama.
When they sat down, the gentleman looked over at her and suggested, "Would you like a cocktail before dinner?"
"Oh, no," said this fine example of Southern womanhood, "Whatever would I tell my Sunday School class?"
Our gentleman was set back a bit so he didn't say much until after dinner. When he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked, "Would you like a smoke?"
"Oh my, goodness no," said the woman. "I couldn't face my Sunday School class if I did."
Our boy felt pretty low after that, so they left, got in his car and as he was driving the lady home, they passed the local Holiday Inn. He'd been morally rebuffed twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose so he ventured forth with, "Ahhh, mmmm, how would you like to stop at this motel?"
"Sure, that would be nice," she said with anticipation!
The gentleman couldn't believe his ears, and did a fast U-turn right then and there and drove back to the motel and checked in.
The next morning, after a wild and passionate night, the gentleman woke up first. He looked at the lovely Dixie Darlin' lying there in the bed and with remorse he thought, "What the heck have I done?"
He shook her awake and pleaded, "I've got to ask you one thing. Whatever are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"
The lady said...
"The same thing I always tell them: You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time !"- MY DADDY... the Dancer
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MY DADDY... the Dancer.
One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.
All the typical answers came up --- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.
However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"
"No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be our next President, ...but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."
MY DADDY... the Dancer.
One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.
All the typical answers came up --- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.
However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"
"No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be our next President, ...but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."
- DID YOU Know ? (#1)
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DID YOU Know ? (#1)
In George Washington's days, there were no cameras.
One's image was either sculpted or painted.
Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms.
Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted.
Arms and legs are"limbs", therefore painting them would cost the buyer more.
Hence the expression: "Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg".
DID YOU Know ? (#1)
In George Washington's days, there were no cameras.
One's image was either sculpted or painted.
Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms.
Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted.
Arms and legs are"limbs", therefore painting them would cost the buyer more.
Hence the expression: "Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg".
Thursday, November 29, 2007
- WHY AREN'T YOU A "Hillary fan" ???
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WHY AREN'T YOU A "Hillary fan" ???
A grade school teacher in upstate New York , asked her class how many of them are 'Hillary fans'.
Not really knowing what a Hillary fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except one boy.
The teacher asked Johnny why he had decided to be different.
Johnny says, "I'm not a Hillary fan."
The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Hillary fan?"
Johnny says, "I'm a George Bush fan."
The teacher asks why he's a George Bush fan.
The boy says, "Well, my mom's a George Bush fan and my dad's a George Bush fan, so I'm a George Bush fan!"
The teacher sarcastically asks, "If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
So Johnny replies, "That would make me a Hillary fan."
WHY AREN'T YOU A "Hillary fan" ???
A grade school teacher in upstate New York , asked her class how many of them are 'Hillary fans'.
Not really knowing what a Hillary fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except one boy.
The teacher asked Johnny why he had decided to be different.
Johnny says, "I'm not a Hillary fan."
The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Hillary fan?"
Johnny says, "I'm a George Bush fan."
The teacher asks why he's a George Bush fan.
The boy says, "Well, my mom's a George Bush fan and my dad's a George Bush fan, so I'm a George Bush fan!"
The teacher sarcastically asks, "If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
So Johnny replies, "That would make me a Hillary fan."
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